It’s not easy being me. Underestimated, ignored, neglected, mistreated. It hasn’t always been this way. In the beginning, we were well. We shared some good years together, when You trusted me and I trusted You. When we communicated clearly. I’ve always worked my hardest for You, but I don’t think You see it that way.
I am the place where You live. You and I and your Mind are one. We all live and work together. I am your Body.
I can communicate quite gently if You keep me well. You could hear me as your intuition, your inner voice or instinct that keeps You safe. But when these gentle messages fail, I have to communicate to You through something You can’t ignore; pain.
Week 1: Lately, I am hurting most of the time. I am weak from not being moved the way I should. The way I did when You were a kid. Do You remember when we woke up feeling energized by nothing but the sun and the joy of being alive? Do You remember what it felt like to jump and run and play? I put pain in your joints so that You might recall what it feels like to be active. You misinterpret my message and You move even less.
Week 2: You used to feed me well. Nowadays I’m forced to scrounge for nutrients amid junk that I refuse to call food; junk that has been created in a lab that has no business inside of me. This is not what I was designed for. Most of the time, I’m too busy trying to break down the foreign junk that the real food runs right past me before I can absorb it.
Week 3: We are lacking what we need. If we don’t get the right fats and vitamins and minerals, we will not survive. I’m overloaded with junk and I must get rid of it as soon as possible so I can see clearly again. Good or bad, it’s all coming out. Let’s start from scratch?
Week 4: I was able to release a lot of the junk that was in our system, but my attempt was thwarted, as it was inconvenient for your busy schedule. You paralyzed me with a capsule full of even more toxins to sift through. I released what I can. The rest I’ll have to store until I regain my strength.
Week 8: I need a break. I’m overworked and I’m hurting. Not enough sleep. Not enough water. Not enough nutrition. The time spent resting is usually in front of the TV or computer. I make your head hurt so that You take a rest. You need time to clear your Mind and think about what You are doing to us.
Week 9: My message was too strong for You. You popped a pill that knocked out our communication for a while. You are defenseless without me. I hope You take that rest.
I am awakened by the pulse of caffeine in your blood. You didn’t rest. You spent the time without me at full speed with your nose to the grind. I am still drowsy from the pill, and can only work at half-capacity. Don’t worry about me. I am strong and I will get through this. Just treat me well and I will prove it to You!
Week 14: You have been so busy. Too busy to worry about us. The Mind is negative, the thoughts are poisonous and I am affected by it. I feel your bitter thoughts and angry words. I hear the whispers of fear that hinder your action. Because I am connected to your Mind, I have no choice but to act in part. My actions are now bitter, angry and fearful. Do You see what You are doing to us?
Week 20: I want to move so badly, but You don’t hear my pleas. All of this sitting and slouching over piles of work is hard on me. My voice is quieted even more. I bring pain to your back and neck. You are forced to take a break from work.
Week 21: The rest is nice. We lay down most of the day, a needed break from your slouching. If it wasn’t for the constant jibber jabber of the Mind, I might really be able to enjoy this.
Week 27: You haven’t been to work in a while. It has been a well-needed break and You have been eating better. I am able to function pretty well now but even with the stress of work removed, it continues on in your Mind. I wish I could tell You to enjoy the moment, but that’s out of my realm.
Week 28: The Mind tries to release the stress by crying out. I do my best to help, but once again You see our reactions as weakness, when it’s really your greatest strength. You hold back the tears. You don’t want to know how much we hurt. You want to numb the pain. If only You would see that we are working for You, not against You, then maybe we could turn this around. We could heal. We could rebuild. We are resilient!
Week 30: You take pills every day now. The Mind is quiet most of the time. It’s not communicating with You anymore, but I still hear its voice. It’s brimming with sadness that it’s incapable of releasing. I understand the feeling.
Week 38: I am tired. I can’t hold down what You feed me. I won’t hold it down. I don’t trust your judgment so I’m assuming whatever You give me is junk. Back up the stomach it goes. Maybe when it comes back up You will see it for what it really is; garbage.
Week 39: You give me that shot. The fake virus lined with metals and dead flesh and poison. That keeps me busy for a long while. There’s sickness in the air. You breathe it in and I surrender to it. Even though I’m weak and tired, I try my best to kill off the bacteria. I manage to raise your temperature, but it’s not long before You thwart me with another capsule.
Week 44: I’ve failed us. I wasn’t able to release all of the toxins You have thrown my way. Over the years, I’ve stored them where I could. Many of them have stayed in your brain and now they’re deteriorating us. You and I don’t have much time left together. Without change, we are beyond repair.
Week 48: I’m starting to feel our separation. You feel it too. You curse me in the end. You curse life itself. Don’t You see it was You who had the power all along? At any moment in time, You could have treated me better. You could have avoided so much pain if only You would have listened to my voice instead of suppressing it. Maybe You will understand this in the next lifetime, but I’m afraid You will have to find another Body.