Birds of a Feather hate Each Other

I have to admit that I spent much of my school years feeling really lonely. Though I had a few close friends here and there, I had a really hard time making new friends. Okay, that’s an understatement. For about an eight-year span, I didn’t make any friends at all. Part of this was because of my introverted nature, and part of this was because of a very simple, yet prominent Universal truth that I didn’t understand; like attracts like. 

I have learned that there are three people in life that you will meet. Ones you are neutral to, ones you love and ones who you, well… strongly dislike.

Neutral: Some people you meet, you quickly forget. They make no real impression on you one way or another. Generally this is because those people are functioning on a very different frequency than you are. They mirror no significant part of you.

Love: The people you meet and instantly ‘click’ with are generally those who are most like you—the “good” parts of you, anyways. The parts of yourself that you have consciously acknowledged and accepted. These people may share your lovable quirks and idiosyncrasies, your humour, your disposition, basically any part of yourself that you see as a positive.

Hate: Then there are those who you meet and have a strong negative reaction to. The reason why we dislike these people is not because they are so different from us, it’s that they are so similar.

Think of someone in your life that you can’t stand. Ask yourself why that is. Maybe it’s because they’re selfish, arrogant, annoying, awkward or just plain offensive. Now, try to entertain the idea, if only for a moment, that the reason you can’t stand them is because there is a part of you that can be just like that…

There is a part of you that can be just like that.

When I first contemplated this idea, I wanted to reject it. It’s a humbling realization, but if it weren’t true, that person wouldn’t affect me one way or the other. Deepak Chopra shared a similar experience, when he met a woman at a seminar who verbally assaulted him in front of a group of people:

“Later when I had a moment alone, I thought that because of the emotional effect this had on me that something is going on here that I should look at more closely. I wrote down all those traits about her that bothered me. I listed: rudeness, impatience, anger, aggressiveness, and being demanding. I phoned my wife, told her what I was doing and asked if she ever noticed these traits in me. There was a long silence on the other end. In that moment I realized that I too could display every one of those unpleasant traits when I was under pressure


The world we experience is a projection of our consciousness, with all of these different positive and negative qualities. So when we transform our consciousness through insight, and compassion, we change that projection of the world and that means our experience and relationships change as well.”

There are many parts of the self. Some of them we accept more easily than others. Some parts of the self we are completely unconscious to. Carl Jung termed this our shadow aspect. When we meet people we hate, they are the mirror into parts of our shadow that we have yet to acknowledge. The Universe is calling to attention a part in yourself you would otherwise ignore.

For the sake of mental and physiological stability and health, the conscious and unconscious must be mutually integrated–Carl Jung

The Universe is a tenacious force. If you don’t recognize yourself in that person, you will meet that same type of person again and again and again. This is why when interpersonal drama erupts you must remove your ego; reject the urge to bitch. Reject the momentary satisfaction you will get from complaining about how you’ve been wronged—such pointless dramas only stifle your growth and detract you from the real issue at hand. The Universe has brought that person to your attention so you can evolve in consciousness. Instead of being spiteful, be aware and be grateful for the opportunity!

When you meet someone who rubs you the wrong way, identify what exactly it is about them that you dislike. Then either accept those things in yourself, or change those things in yourself. Once you ignite love from within, that person won’t affect you the same way. You might even learn that you actually, really like them.

Looking back, it’s no surprise that the times when I was at the most inner turmoil, were the times I have been the most judgmental of others. I responded to life the same way that I responded to myself; with constant criticism. I used to wonder why I never met anyone who I clicked with. I see now that it was because I wasn’t giving the Universe much to work with; there weren’t a lot of parts of myself I loved that could be mirrored back to me. How many friendships I must have missed out on because I didn’t accept myself! I’d like to say that I wish I’d realized this all sooner, but I know that this is a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

When you become more accepting of all parts of yourself, you automatically become more loving and accepting of others. You must first have peace with yourself before you will have peace with others. Imagine if more people employed self-awareness in place of hatred, how that might filter into more macrocosmic aspects of society: families, schools, cities, countries. If humanity is to consciously evolve into a more peaceful species, the place to start is within YOU.

Feeling Frequencies Chart from ‘The Power’ by Rhonda Byrne

“Each individual is responsible for the rise and the decline of the entire world.” – Confucius

“Nothing brings down walls as surely as acceptance” – Deepak Chopra

Affirmation for World Peace: I love and accept myself exactly as I am. (repeat 10 times, as many times throughout the day as you remember)



  1. I LOVE this entry. It is so powerful, but so simple! You write so eloquently and make the point to clearly. Like does attract Like, and the Universe is very fair and just. It took me a long time to understand this, and truth be told, I’m still in the process of learning and understanding. Thanks for this entry!

    1. Thanks for your kind words! I am still in the process of understanding it all too. Good to see you guys are still on the road and blogging up a storm! I feel honored you have found time to read my little blog : )

  2. Your first paragraph also described me during much of my schooling. Thank you for the reminder. That wasn’t sarcasm. It reminded me as to just how far I’ve come through focusing on turning myself into the person I knew I could become. I’m not fully there yet, but I’ve come a very long way toward it over the years.

    I appreciate your post!


    1. It’s good to know I’m not the only one who has gone through this. And it’s great that you recognize how far you’ve come. I feel the same way; I’ve come a very long way, but I still have a ways to go and I need to constantly remind myself of what I have learned. Thank you for your comment!

  3. However, I’m a prime example of opposites attract. I always wanted to attract like but never did. Lots of opposites though.

    1. Both forces must be at work. I get along well with people who are more outgoing than I am, but we have a lot of the same core qualities. Thank you for your comments!

  4. faithintersectsaction · · Reply

    When I was a kid and would tell my mom about the latest drama at school or the most recent “betrayal” by a friend she would absent mindedly respond that what I didn’t like in others is what I didn’t like about myself. How I hated that response! Twenty years later I accept it but never quite made the connection about what I put out in the universe. I can’t control others and maybe there are some people we simply don’t connect to but it definitely is empowering and beautiful to reflect on accepting/love me than blame others. Thank you for your thought provoking post.

    1. Your mother is a smart woman! It’s tough to remember this all the time, especially when we meet someone we really don’t like. Thank you for reading and commenting!

  5. As alundeberg said, a work in progress. great post S!

    1. Thank you, Habiba! Yep, this is one of those life-long lessons, isn’t it? A constant work in progress.

  6. Great post. One of the hardest task in life is to love yourself. Thanks for sharing your insights!

    1. I agree with you. It seems like such a simple concept, but it can be a very hard task to love yourself! Thanks for reading. Have a rest of your week!

  7. Interesting twist!

    1. Glad you liked it! Have a great week.

      1. Most welcome.Enjoy your weekend!

  8. You are so right. The more I work on self-love, the fewer people I dislike! It’s so refreshing to not be aggravated by others as much as I was. I never really made this connection until I read this post. Thank you for enlightening me 🙂

    I’m going to bookmark this so I can come back to it.

    1. I’m so glad that you liked it, Gabby! Thank you for reading and for sharing your experience : )

  9. Blazing Portals · · Reply

    Nicely written post, I like Deepak Chopra’s aha moment. Carl Jung used the “Shadow Self,” as one of the archetypes to the darker side of the psyche that represents wildness, chaos, and the unknown. Jung also believed that people sometimes deny this element of their own psyche and instead project it onto others. This specific archetype is composed of repressed ideas, weaknesses, desires, instincts, and shortcomings. In looking at it from a positive standpoint, one can assimilate that some of these are learned (upbringing), some are inherited, and others are acquired for survival.

    1. You must have a background in psychology! The more I hear of Jung’s philosophy, the more I want to hear. I find so much truth to it all. Thank you for your enlightening comment.

      1. Blazing Portals · ·

        LOL, I didn’t mean to sound pedantic! I did study Jung in college, and wrote a paper on him for psychology class. The good part is that I actually remember all of the information, it apparently left an impression. : )

  10. The Shadow does love to project! Recognizing and accepting traits in ourselves that we so dislike in others is an extremely difficult thing to do, yet it is this acceptance that will ultimately lead to Jung`s individuation process. Really interesting post!


    1. Thank you for reading and for inspiring me with Carl Jung’s philosophy!

      1. I very much enjoy your posts. And yes, Carl Jung’s theories are pretty fascinating arn’t they? His theory on the collective conscious is a little challenging but fairly intriguing nonetheless..


  11. This is so true. I was actually working on a post this morning on a very similar topic. Your insight is right on, and your points are well articulated. Great post.

    1. Isn’t it funny how that happens? I swear there’s some powerful force of synchronization at work in the blogosphere! Thank you for reading, Kristin!

  12. Thanks for such a thought provoking post – the shadow resonates with me.

    1. Thanks for stopping by, Paul! It really resonated with me, too, when I first read about it. Have a great week!

  13. For years I’ve been calling that “The Mirror Effect” and really, really didn’t like it when I found yet another mirror. 🙂

    1. I like that. Some of our mirrors aren’t so pretty, are they? But whether they’re nice or not, we can’t deny that it’s our own reflection! Have a fabulous week!

  14. Very true! When it comes to accepting others and ourselves, we need to take a good long look in the mirror and accept and acknowledge what we find there. I know that I have disliked people for the same traits I have, so I learned to deal with those traits and not be “that” person. Still a work in progress! Great post and well written.

    1. It’s a work in progress, indeed! Even though I know these things, I often forget… but that’s life, isn’t it? Thanks for your comment!

  15. MindMindful · · Reply

    A great post! Thanks for sharing your experience — so many of us have this same experience, but don’t really understand the inner dynamic. It took me quite a while before I realized the truth of this.

    1. Thanks for your comment. I’m so glad that you can relate! Have a great week!

  16. Very interesting post. I think there is much truth to that. But I also think one can be put off by another simply because they are very different from each other. A more quiet individual may be put off by a very boisterous one, not because the quiet one sees self-traits in the other, but simply because he/she is uncomfortable around that personality.

    Thanks for a thought-provoking post. Good way to start my Sunday. 🙂

    1. There is truth to what you are saying. Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts! Happy Sunday!

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