Since I was a child, I have had this reoccurring dream that I’m running through the neighborhood as fast as I can, jumping fence after fence after fence. It’s always clear that someone is chasing me, but I’ve never turned to see who it is. This dream reminds me of how life presents a series of walls that we must climb over in order to transform and reach the next level of our journey.
One big part of my journey in the last few years has been becoming healthier. I’ve learned so much about what it means to be ‘well’ and climbed over many barriers to get where I am today. Still, I find myself knowing better, but not always doing better. My thoughts and words are not always in line with my actions.The fact is, I’m not as quick to hop over life’s barriers as I am in my dream. When I find myself facing a wall, I tend to stare at it for a while, contemplate its existence, bang my head against it a few times until I’m absolutely sure that I’m ready to climb over it.
I am now standing in front of a wall. A part of me is impatient and feels like I should’ve climbed it months ago. All this time, I’ve known what I should do in terms of what foods I should cut out and how much I should exercise, but it seems that knowledge does not translate directly into action. It got me thinking that maybe there’s more to personal transformation than knowing what you need to do. Perhaps before lasting change can take place, all aspects of the self need time to shift.
In this time of “non-action”, there is more going on than meets the eye. Internal change is taking place, the ‘invisible’ aspects of the self are preparing for the transformation. If this doesn’t happen before you act then you will likely fall off the wall as you climb it, or pummel your way back through it from the other side.
I know that I will eventually climb this wall and reach the next stage in my wellness journey. The fact that I’ve taken so long to do it, has allowed me to shift my habits gradually, and will probably ensure that my change will be permanent. I will continue to move forward and try my best to be patient with myself and realize there is more progressing than what can be seen. Instead of feeling hurried to reach my small moment of peace at the top of the wall, maybe I can create that peace in myself despite what obstacles are before me.
The next time I have that dream, I hope I have the courage to turn around and see who is chasing me. I’m sure I’ll realize that the only person who is chasing me, is myself.